There is so much pressure on me to be ‘the better’ version of myself, i’m become obsessed with not feeling good enough. My looks, my weight, my personality, my strengths, they just aren’t good enough anymore. If you are like me, you have a stack of self help books on your book case along with a folder full of inspirational quotes on your phone. Although I love the whole ‘love yourself’ vibe, the fix yourself mentality is damaging me big time, and i’m sure I am not the only one. From a young age we are always encouraged to be the best we can be, new versions of ourselves, the classic ‘new year new me’. This is toxic and I have only just realised this. Naturally, when you get older you are filled with more challenges. Armed with success stories, schools and universities drill into you that you can do better, and that better is the only way forward. They almost want you to draw out a book full of all your failures, to remind you not to repeat and go there again. Our mission to become someone else is actually something that I have trying really hard not to do, but lately i’ve been finding myself wishing that I was anyone but me. There is a difference between growing and evolving and punishing yourself for not being good enough. We are encouraged from a young age that the problem, usually, is us.
I have become obsessed with trying to fix myself and be the person I want to be, but what if I do become that person, will it ever be good enough? I think not. It has become apparent to me that I am becoming my own worst enemy and it’s easy enough to ‘love yourself’ but I find it almost impossible. Self-help, while useful in certain ways, strengthens our core belief that we are inherently defective. Stuck in a cycle of trying to fix ourselves, we don’t take into account that these books and podcasts, do not factor in our circumstances.
I’ve come to realise that I am always going to be the same person. I will always have the same struggles and the same hopes. I will also have anxiety about this, that and the other. I will always love the things I love and hate the things I hate. Instead of trying to change the negatives about myself, maybe they should write a book on how to embrace the positives. The quirks that make you who you are today.
Pause for thought…
What if you one day to like who you are? Probably not, but you do have to live with you, so cut yourself a break. Not everything has to be so polished